What Lesson Are You Learning Now?

 Holy, Heaven is Holy (2x)

Only the righteous shall enter there, 

Heaven is Holy 

I used to think the song meant we need to ‘get’ holy to enter the gates, but I now understand that it is not for us to ‘get’. Heaven is indeed Holy,  so throughout our lives, God sets up exercises like a trainer to make us holy to enter there. With our everyday experiences, encounters, and study of the scripture, God transforms us to be adequate enough to pass through the entrance. In sum, we’re forever students in the school of Christlikeness when we commit to this journey. You are signed up for a class right now. Do you know the course title? Can you recognize what God is teaching you? 

Personally, I came to realize I have been taking a college level course in Surrendering. When I returned home in December of 2018, I was praying for motivation, for a sign, for the strength to hold on to something very dear to me. Something God had given me (so obviously it’s a good thing) and something I firmly believe is crucial to God’s purpose to me. 

As days became weeks and months, I saw no answer to my response. Or rather, not the direct answers I expected. I became angry. Is it a yes or a no? I’d demand in prayer. I’d like a ‘yes’ of course, but if it’s a ‘no’ be more direct please, give me something else so I can let go of this thing… 

But as this course has taught me thus far, I was missing the point. We shouldn’t be giving up our treasure only if we can get better. Our surrender must not be conditional. It is demanded. Whether or not there is a new/bigger Teddy Bear behind his back at all, if asked we are to let go of what we’re holding on to. 

And this is how I learned that I was praying all wrong, I had set out my petition as a multiple choice question with certain answers I expected- call them ‘signs’. If yes, this will happen, if no then you’ll offer me this so I know for sure… As I journeyed home praying I was expecting an answer to that limited scope prayer and the ability to hold on to what I was to be surrendering in faith. 

In this most recent advanced course, I’ve been taught that the dilemma and lesson it holds is in itself an answer- even if its an answer to the prayer we didn’t pray!????????????

This recent lesson inspired the poem below, I hope you appreciate it and let me know what lesson you are currently learning in your own journey. Who knows, your current ‘course’ may be my next one ???? 

*********************************************************************************

I thought the journey was for affirming.

And came believing I’d have a firmer clasp

on emotions too effervescent, on a dream shattered and now unrecognizable. 

I thought by now I’d know

for sure 

Where home is. Could be. 

Hoped by now I’d look at you and no longer see mixed signals

I’ve found that I’d hoped wrong.

The aim of this journey is never what I thought it was

You did not take me on this journey to hold me,

But to break me more. To do it gently in a familiar place, to do it slowly so I am not jarred

When I asked you to take my hands and lead me at the start of this journey 

You did take my hand, but to unclasp my fist, so I let go of the little I’d managed to hold on to  

To bare my palm,  for both of us to see the bruises on that soft flesh from years of struggling to hold what was and is only temporary.

This journey has always been about my surrendering 

Now I know, it should be easier. 

Understanding ought to make things easier

Yet that adage does not apply in this case.

Knowing only makes me apprehensive of what is yet to come.

Now that I am surrendering, I know there’s more breaking to be done.