If you’re new here. Welcome. If you’re not, welcome back.
My blog is where I try to collate musings on everything that makes me think for an extended period. I emphasize extended periods because, as a chronic overthinker, I truly think like whizzing tops move when spun—here, there, everywhere. Those who have access to my Whatsapp Status get the brunt of the spillover of thoughts.
So, out of the abundance of my thoughts over the past few weeks, am I writing this?
But wait, are you a Christian? I’m hoping you are. If so, the blog/vlog this month would be more enjoyable for you. If not, I hope you still read through and catch the vlog below. My personal conversion story is linked there, and that might interest you.
Now to the topic at hand.
You may have heard the adage: Christianity is a relationship, not merely a religion. Though a common adage I wish there was more emphasis on the relationship and less on the religion. I was born into a community and family where most would claim to be ‘Christian’. I was educated at a Presbyterian mission school. I was even ‘confirmed’ as a Christian at age 14 (I signed up for 1st communion classes so I could have family visit me with food on the day, lol). All this is to say, ‘I got the works’ when it comes to the Christian walk. And yet I didn’t. I only gave my life to Christ for myself after a failed suicide attempt in March of 2007.
We have the crazy misconception that we choose God; we say things like ‘I found the Lord’. Nah, the Lord found me. And in this season, He has been growing my desire for Him in ways I can’t help but share here. That’s what this post is about: how that relationship/walk is going and what is helping me as I trek.
Someone said, ‘Adulthood is where you find God for yourself.’ I would partly agree, but it’s not so much a ‘finding’ as getting to know Him and growing intimacy. I no longer go to church because I have to; I now want to go commune with fellow believers; it’s something I crave. I no longer pray out of habit- I don’t even know if I ever had that habit sef. My prayers now are like me getting up in the middle of the night with a dry throat in need of a drink. Life will make you thirsty for Him. He will make you thirsty for Him.
There’s a movement from doing things because you think they’re right to do what you know is right for you at that time because of the Holy Spirit’s ushering. It’s a relationship, and it evolves with us. It looks differently across different times, and ours with him doesn’t look exactly the same as His with someone else.
I feel a good gauge of one’s Christian state is how open one is to interrogation, how comfortable one is with one’s answers, and how much of it comes from oneself rather than what one has been told.
Yeah, you want to memorize scripture. Why? And the answer should just be because the bible says, ‘Let’s have it on our hearts’ First of all, that isn’t proper exegesis of that scripture. Next, memorization didn’t save the Scribes and Pharisees from Jesus’ scorn, so… why do you (insert name here) want to read the bible cover to cover?
Why do you want to go to church every Sunday? What do you truly believe and why?
That is how God has been growing me in this season. Prompting me to prioritize the relationship. To think of him as a long-time partner. The one that walked up to me on that night in March 2007 and said, ‘Hey, I like you. Can we be a thing?’. We’ve done the talking stage; He’s courted me- all those easily answered prayers and countless blessings; he’s given tough love, and we’ve had several fights. But still, it seemed like my relationship was in a compartment of my life, and my worship was orchestrated, not free-flowing.
So, like any relationship on the rocks, The Lover has been pushing for more work on intimacy, therapy, hard convos, date nights, and family meetings to resolve this wahala. That’s what I see my toolbox as. Products of all the ways He’s inspiring me to make the relationship one that knows no boundaries and flows freely.
Can’t pray, that’s okay- couples are taught to sit in comfortable silences after a fight rather than walk away from each other. So even if you say nothing just sit there and let Abide meditation or several other medication videos play and the word pour over you as one person speaks.
Is it hard to concentrate or be present during sermons or worship events because of ADD? No, wahala. There are Christian colouring books; you can use those as a mindfulness technique.
Missed service because you’re travelling? Look up sermons on YouTube. Don’t understand this verse or that? The Bible can be like a maze—especially that Old Testament, lol. But you love research (on most days, lol), so go down the YouTube rabbit hole or use Bible study tools. I personally LOVE The Bible Project’s illustrative scripture exegesis. But there are so many great scripture teachers who can bless people’s understanding of specific things.
Do you feel like proper meditation takes time, and you often end up ‘lost in it’, or it takes ‘too long’ to hear back from the Holy Spirit? Match the praying time to walking time. You’ll trick the mind that you’re doing something ‘productive’ and
The relationship seems like a fake one because you’re talking to yourself. Organize gatherings with other Christians, it’s not a bible study but just Christian sisters hanging out eating scotch eggs, talking about everything and playing games connected by the same Lover.
The point is, if its a relationship, it should feel like something you do as part of your to-do list. It should look like you. God has made it clear that he is willing to meet us where we are, but too often we want to be where we think he expects us to be. False expectations propagated by —- religion and culture.
So, what would be in your toolbox? How does your relationship with God look like you? How are your date nights and hangouts?
Below is a short vlog on me rambling about this topic with some tips.
Enjoy and don’t forget to drop a comment. I love to read your musings too.
