This past May, I had my first-ever real vacation. As in, the reason on my visa application was written out clearly as VACATION/TOURISM. There was no conference or work trip I was going for and I would then benefit from for some extra days of visiting… this was deliberately planned enjoyment!
Such a win for the Year of No and doing less!
I must say getting a visa with the reason being ‘vacation’ felt like a huge win; although there was a small “chakara” (pidgin for upheaval) during the interview and a minute where it seemed like family history would affect the decision, the final decision was positive and made me feel like “finally, these people know I don’t want to go and stay in their country sef!” Previous academic travel history and tendency to return home finally counted for something.
Anyway, I got the visa, took all my annual leave days and planned to deliberately enjoy for a month in the U.S. As with any life event, there were lessons to be drawn from this U.S. Trip I thought to share.
Unlearning is required for rest.
This being my first vacation, and the vacation itself being a gift from one of my sister-friends, I was so intentional about how I spent the time in the U.S. that it ended up seeming like a campaign trip/tour than a vacation. I wanted to see all the family and friends I had not seen since before the pandemic, friends who had left Cameroon for good and were now settled at different ends of the U.S. In theory that sounded good, but halfway through I realized how I’d set myself up not to vacation at all because my trip was looking like a campaign tour :/ Dear reader learn from my lesson: being soft and resting/vacationing are skills that need to be learned too. When you’ve been addicted to being productive, and tied your identity to it, you’ll believe that you need that checklist even for ‘rest mode’. That needs to be unlearned so you don’t turn what should be fun into a job. One of my ‘bigs’ Commy Mussa and I were in conversation, and in the course of it, I said: I want this to my baby girl era. To not have to do it all. To relax and be taken care of. She asked me “Have you trained yourself to receive care?” Her words were a whole conviction. How ready are we for what we’re asking for? How ready are we to receive rest so we don’t feel guilty while doing it? I struggled all through the vacation with thoughts of what I felt I should have been doing during that time off, worrying about making up for “lost” time, and worrying that I wasn’t using the vacation time ‘right’.
We should all aspire to have American Audacity
One of those daring American dreamers who infected me with her ‘audacity of hope’. Nayah Ndefru- CEO of Xolani Beauty Brand
There’s something about the US that infects one with dreaming. People hustle everywhere, so I’m not saying Americans are the most hardworking, but I’d argue that the country encourages daring ambition. One of the key things I observed on this trip, is how different the outlook on life was in the U.S. – not because they’re the ‘developed country’, they aren’t the only ‘first world country’. But what they are is the one selling the idea that anyone can make it at anything. That belief has led to those who live there being some of the most audacious people I know. Similar to the Nigerian enterprising spirit. Several friends I met with spoke of quitting jobs and taking massive loans to pursue dreams. One would say the system makes risks easier to take, but that would be reductive. I’ve been to more socialist countries and people aren’t taking risks like that. As a Zimbabwean comedian said “Americans eat like they have free healthcare and they don’t. It’s not the system so much as the normalizing and active encouragement of being audacious and never settling. So even when they’re wrong, they dare to be wrong. I, on the other hand, saw myself questioning things I knew to be right because I also know being right doesn’t guarantee what I say/do to be accepted/successful. This trip had me considering how little we dream because those around us tend to settle for even less than we dream of, or because there are so few examples of people achieving their dreams in our context. I found myself writing down dreams from my childhood during this vacation, asking myself ‘What is stopping you from trying?’ and before you say ‘money’ why how have you tried finding that money? There’s an American somewhere crowdsourcing for the craziest idea and expecting people will give them the money for that. People will because they dared to ask. Another angle to look from is if you passed away in a foreign your people (friends and family and the communities you belong to) would crowdfund to ship your corpse home to Cameroon. Why then can’t you try to crowdsource to live life to the fullest by realizing your dreams? I’ll be revisiting my dreams as a result of this trip. I want the audacity of my younger brother and many other Americans I came across.
Choosing Home
With some of those we’ve “lost” 🙂 lol
Whenever I travel abroad – particularly to countries deemed ‘first world’ the question I get from Cameroonian diaspora members is: Why not just stay here? For most, whatever reason they applied to get the visa was just a means to an end, to set up a pathway to migrate for good to ‘greener pastures’. I’ve written before about how previous trips aroused feelings of sadness at all the people Cameroon has pushed away and all we’ve lost as a result. I used to respond to the question by extolling the virtues of Cameroon and pointing them to all that is wrong with their chosen country too. But I have matured lol. I no longer believe we’re all meant to call Cameroon a place of residence to change it. Some of us must be away from it to change it, and some of us in it to do the same. I also no longer see everyone’s purpose as contributing to Cameroon’s betterment. It would be great if we all felt that nationalist spirit, but life is hard enough. If all you’ve done is NOT cause more havoc, you’ve done more than the sitting president, thank you for your (non)service. On this trip I was asked “Why not just stay here” no less than 5 times, I think I gave a better answer this time: Staying here would be choosing one poison over another, everywhere has problems. I don’t suggest that the problems of Cameroon are on the same scale as those of the U.S. – but who can adequately compare and rank what would be worse for me? All I know is, having experienced life in multiple places I feel like with all things we love, one has to make a conscious decision to choose what we can handle and continue choosing to love it. So if you’re in the diaspora, stop living as though you’re in Cameroon. If you’re in Cameroon stop living as though you want to make it America- it will never be that. We all have a way of being, mine is not better, it is just mine, and it needs improvement in a ‘mine’ way. Home chooses you, but you must also choose it every day like the spouse you married. But this is a privilege, being able to choose what does not always choose me. As one with the privilege, I choose to honour it for as long as I can. If and when I can’t I’ll choose elsewhere.
As I write these lessons from vacation, I think the last line of the above point is the real takeaway. Rest and travel are such a privilege that must be appreciated; you can only really “choose home” when you’ve had an option. You can only truly rest when you’re not actively being oppressed. In honour of those who can’t live fully, whose life was taken from them too soon, whose access has been denied, who are trapped. Please live. Don’t cut off your own wings, don’t limit yourself.
